Last year, at the end of the meditation retreat, my teachers summoned me to their private chamber.
I swallowed hard.
Even when voluntarily submitting under tutelage, I still struggled with authority. It's just a prophetic streak, you know. You grow up being called a rebel, you kind of get used to and believe it, follow it. I rebelled even in silence and between 11 hours a day of sitting still.
To be summoned by authority, shit, that only happened when rebellion loses its cool.
"The way you talked during one-to-one meetings got us concerned," my teachers said. "We weren't sure if you were straight enough in the head to follow through the course."
*CLUNK* went my life preserving rebellion. I swore I'll never rebel against the muses and teachers and diet regiments ever again if only I could get out of this one with shreds of my dignity intact.
"So we googled you," they grinned collectively in that eerie way that comfortably enlightened ones do. "And found out that you weren't really crazy. Actually, you're quite (compliment, compliment, and more blotted out compliments) but your grammar needs improving."
Wait, what?
Ya, okay. I stand by my last post. I don't give a grub and internet personas may go to hell. But when real life grabbed me choking for words, google helped make rebellion look sexy again.
Sometimes.
Right, I see. The message is loud and clear: no more compliments :).
ReplyDeleteOr, well, eh, I can't control myself (an advantage a Yoga-teetotaller has over the genuine adept :) ). So here's the final one (?); whatever was wrong with your grammar, to me there is music in your sentences and substance in the content.
... and rebels are irresistible.
How am I supposed to respond to compliments without sounding cliche, Coles?
ReplyDeleteGenuinely asking here. I mean, don't you know how grateful I am to have your sweet and loyal support on every post?
You've become my ideal reader, my litmus test to whether or not a post can float. If only I could recite "thank you, Colson," on the Timekeeper's rosaries to you show you how grateful I am.
I am. Very. Grateful.
And tongue-tied.
Thank you for blessing my grammar and rebellion pet-peeves, too; they really needed encouragement to break reign and unleash themselves into the wild, innocent world.
(I can't help being sarcastic. I'm under the nagging pull of these rabid animals!! Yihaw!)
a rebel?... do u have a good cause at least :) that's how rebels stay immortal ;)
ReplyDeletefunny, today I was talking to someone over the phone for business, and they asked if I owned the qusaytoday blog, I said yes and his voice got happier... which made me happier because whatever it is he was looking for, he found the answer to it.
good luck... but remember, a rebel with out a cause is just a hebel (I made that up) :)
Yes, Qusay, I understand. It's harder to keep both passion and cause than rebels would have admitted.
ReplyDeleteHappily, I'm just a bunch of binary codes set side by side, already 30 in years and 70 kilos of certainty that it's silly to try for immortality when I can barely write 50'000 words in a month.
Let's leave immortality to the Immortal One; the Only One worth rebelling for in return for His blessing and approval. :)
My hair, though, after almost 3 years without seeing the scissors, is grateful to you for lending your voice when it was needed.
Fi cause wala mafi that made you save my hair, Fayoumi, every single flowing, wavy and brown strand thanks you. Every day.