X-rated: For the girls

I thought how gross it might have been for them if any member of my family read this. Then again, I'm bored of my goody-goody-ideas, and I thought, HEY, knowing how generally sexually uptight we are [come on now, statistically speaking, only 1 in every 5 of our uncles and aunts aren't divorced or remarried or estranged!], I thought a couple of these tips might help you, 'Cuz.

Consider it, a relative favor?


Can a girl have orgasms more often than PMS?
Yes, if you want to. And if you're not getting any with your partner, get a vibrator.

Note: Every time I state in a masculine term, it refers to the giver, who is not necessarily a guy. So lesbians, devour. Just so you know.



General rules.
In order to reach orgasm, a girl
  • Must feel safe. Don't expect too many fireworks from one-night-stands.

  • Must feel loved. If you don't trust him, you don't love him. If you don't love him, don't expect too much of him.

    [Hence, it's not how much money either of you has, but how much contentedness is what matters.]

  • Must be (gently) led into it. Set up a mood for it . If he loves you, he'll want to please you. No man is man enough until he can make his girl happy. Quickies might work, but they're overrated blahs.

  • Clear from clutter.The only time you should leave a misplaced item on the kitchen counter is never.

25 Quickies to Swoon
Here's the nitty gritty you've been waiting for, eh?
  1. Size does NOT matter. It's what you can do with it.

  2. His mouth and hands can do magic.

  3. Do not indulge his honest mistakes.

  4. Speaking of which: a) Talking helps. b) Honesty is the best policy. c) The best conversations occur after an orgasm.

  5. Be specific. "I like it when you (causal verb) on my (name of body organ), it makes me (effect verb)."

  6. Don't ask for it. Demand it.

  7. Reading helps faster.

  8. Immediate application after reading is highly recommended. So read together.

  9. Letting out (some or a lot of) noise is actually helpful.

  10. Tell him to listen carefully. "Ouch" should not be translated into "Oh".

  11. Faking it does NOT get you going. (Dude, do you want to know if she's faking it?)

  12. Have the patience and balls to teach him. Yes, masturbate in front of him for once!

  13. Tempt multiple orgasms with Ylang-ylang oil. I don't know how it works. It just does.

  14. Be prepared to have an open mind: Experiment.

  15. Be prepared with equipments. No, not cuffs. I'm thinking ice cubes and mint candy.

  16. Don't stop when you shouldn't. Allow yourself to be swooned.

  17. Know your secret places. Kiss and caress. Every part of your skin. There might be a highly sensitive area right on your ribs.

  18. Curl your toes; because it stretches your pelvic muscles.

  19. Throw your head back, because it stretches your breasts. Boobs are related to pelvic contents.

  20. Be clean. So that you can enjoy having sweat glands when it's rocking, and after-glowing.

  21. Have a monogamous and consistent partner. Sexual experience quality is conditioned to the history you share with each other.

  22. Be married to your partner. This is the one time where legal issues can be sexy: It gives less restraints.

  23. Keep trying, once you get it right, it'll only get better; the sex and the nature of you relationship. Not to mention your health.

  24. Orgasms are the climax, not only of a sexual intercourse, but of a relationship. If it's happening, and happening often, something good is going on between you guys. Keep it coming.

  25. You can, of course, neglect the need to cum and say, sex isn't about the O. You can say it twice in a row. You can say it for a month. Anything longer than that makes me wonder if you're having it satiated somewhere else. Are you? After all, you are a woman, aren't you?
What did I miss?


How to know how good an orgasm she's had?
Clue: Boobs. After an orgasm, there should be a paler shade circling her areolae. The brighter shade the outer circle, the bigger the "O".

This tip was discreetly mentioned in the unillustrated version of the KamaSutra. Didn't I tell you that reading is good for you?